Eulogy by Brian Rober

At rare times in a person’s life you are asked a request that makes you ponder your core and explore your principles. So it was 6 months ago, with no mask, still with a strong voice and even a stronger conviction that mom requested that I deliver her eulogy. She, before any of us, had a confirmation that she was moving on. It seems such a short time ago that I downplayed her request, only now to find myself fulfilling one of moms last wishes. In the process, reiterating to me, that moms always know best.

Caroline Melissa Braxton was born April 23, 1952 in San Bernardino California to Robert Charles Braxton and Gloria Lou Tabor. Sissy or missy is what mom’s nickname was growing up. Cute and simple, the name stuck with her all 58 years of her life. She, along with her only sibling, younger sister Pamela, moved from place to place, always a southern California girl, and never for longer than a few years at a time. Mom grew up well off by most standards; but didn’t have it all that easy when it came to family relationships. While not a secret and openly talked about in our family, I don’t feel it necessary to go into details about moms struggles growing up. Rather know that mom was convinced she would and could break the abusive chains she had been subjected to. To this end, she left her house early and often, retreating away from some of the things that awaited her at home. Many of you may be surprised to know that mom was married at the age of 17, before my dad. It was probably an escape route for her, but a blessing at the same time as it was her first husband and his family who introduced mom to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their short marriage ended amicably and eventually in 1975 mom met dad. In mom’s words dad was a gentlemen’s gentlemen. They were married and started life together in Santa Monica, California. A few years in Santa Monica and mom and dad moved to Torrance California, 10 years in Torrance and 3 kids later, Brea California has been called home ever since. Dad and mom would have celebrated 36 years of marriage this August. Despite having some distinct opposite traits, mom and dad worked ever so well as a team. Dad was always good to mom and mom to him. Together they provided a home of memories, memorable family outings, support, love and security. Mom supported dad with his work and his church callings. Dad supported mom as a mother and in her professional genealogy rolls. It was endearing for us all to watch dad’s support to mom these last few months. Despite some of the frustrations that come with caring for a sick spouse, dad provided the love that mom needed in her difficult time. Their love never ceased to grow.

One of mom’s true life ironies is when she became sick. ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, is 1 of only a few diseases that accelerates a person into Medicare benefits before the age of 65. As mom was only 58, she needed that acceleration, but was denied these benefits because she did not have enough Social Security work credits to her name. To say mom didn’t earn work credits is, as I said, one of her life ironies. Mom worked harder than anybody I know. Actually, mom worked us harder than anybody I know. Social Security would be smart to learn that a work credit is not defined by a punch card, but rather by rendering service to others. She spent hours, days, weeks and months, serving in PTA’s, fulfilling church callings, attending sporting events, delivering family history lectures, and helping hundreds of people discover thousands of ancestors. She fulfilled with honor the role of grandmother, wife, mother, aunt, and friend.

By far without hesitation, mom’s greatest gift was that of a mother. There is no explanation except the divine nature of a woman that can explain how mom took her upbringing and turned it around when it was time for her to fulfill the call as mother. She made the choice in her life that there was a higher calling for her; and for her the word “Mother” would define who she would become. She holds the greatest title of mom for me & my wife Kate, my sister Lisa & her husband John, & my brother Mark and his wife Lisa. She sacrificed, nurtured, taught, and explained the necessary details of life. She wasn’t perfect, but none of us are, and she only occasionally claimed that she was. A pioneer in her own right, she founded our family on the gospel of Jesus Christ creating a great legacy for her posterity. She protected us spiritually and physically and made sure we knew that she always had at least one eye on us at all times, normally that eye in the back of her head. By bearing 3, with marriages her posterity doubled to 6, that 6 grew the posterity even bigger by adding 7 grandchildren. Ashlynn, Briggs, Caleb, Ty, Davis, Kamden, and Beckham unfortunately will not have grandma physically by their side as they navigate through this world. But mom has seen 7 baby blessings, and a baptism, and there is absolutely no doubt in any of our hearts that she will be with us in spirit when 6 other baptisms take place, 6 boys receive the priesthood when they turn 12, when those same 6 boys all leave on missions and when all 7 marry in the temple. Mom’s posterity will reach far beyond the boundaries of 3 children, with her righteous decisions creating a ripple effect for years and years to come.

Mom’s disease has been a learning experience for all involved. Although the disease took mom very quickly, 6 months can seem an eternity when you know the outcome is death. One and only one time did mom express a bitter cry, and as quickly as it came on, it left again. She pulled up her bootstraps, and became a hero of courage and determination. Although she had no chance of survival, she met her challenges head on. Having to explain grandma’s disease to our children is frankly the most difficult challenge as parents my wife and I have had to face. We had no easy answers and were doing our best to survive our breaking news conference when inspiration broke. Elder Neal A. Maxwell, an apostle in the church, summed it up best one time when he said, Quote, “On the other side of the veil there are perhaps seventy billion people. They need the same gospel, and releases occur here to aid the Lord’s work there. A mortal life may need to be shortened by twenty years as we might view it. But if so, it may be done for special services to be rendered by that individual in the Spirit World. Those services will benefit thousands of neighbors. Therefore, though we miss the departed righteous so much here, hundreds may feel their touch there. One day those hundreds will thank the bereaved for gracefully forgoing extended association with choice individuals here in order that they can help hundreds there. In God’s ecology, talent and love are never wasted. Those who have true hope understand this.” End Quote. This was the answer we had been searching for, this was the revelation provided in a moment of stupor. So many of you here today have associations through my mom’s genealogy work. I know with all my heart, and testified to my children; mom was not taken home to an empty stadium. Mom crossed through the veil being welcomed to the ovations of thousands of spirits, high 5’s, thank yous, hugs and kisses. Mom will not be alone. Her hard work, service and knowledge on this earth life earned her a spiritual ticket back home. In Elder Maxwell’s words, talent and love are never wasted. While mom will be missed here, she simply had a higher calling.

To stand up here and rattle off dates of mom’s life would not do it justice. I’d rather take the opportunity to focus on a few of mom’s talents and passions, most of which you are familiar with.

How mom was able to convince dad to move to a neighborhood that decorated for Christmas time better than any other in town is what we call a small miracle. Most of you have been by their home in December and have seen, smelled, felt, heard and experienced mom’s passion for decorating. Mrs. Clause would be an appropriate title for mom during the holidays. I will miss this time of year without mom. I know she kindled my love for the holidays by always creating a holiday atmosphere of love and peace. Mom never did it to show off or to get praise. She did it for a legitimate love of seeing the joy on people’s faces and to promote peace in her home. The amazing thing about mom’s decorating is the feeling that it prompted around all those that ever saw it. How the amazing production was accomplished year after year is a story for another time; but those memories will forever be engrained in my mind as each and every December roll around.

Growing up in the home mom did, etched a sort of childlike innocence on her soul that she carried through life. This trait manifested itself in various ways throughout her life, but none stronger than gift giving and Disneyland. This last September we surprised mom by gathering the whole family together and surprising her as she walked into Disneyland. The combination of the gift, surprise, grandkids and children all together in Disneyland, made that day one of the most special in the last months of her life. She always loved Disneyland, took us and each grandchild for their 5^th birthday, and always took us go the day before school started each year. Mom was always in on the action, and Disneyland provided that perfect opportunity.

As I mentioned earlier, many of you know mom for her work in the genealogy field. The only thing in mom’s life that could compare to motherhood is genealogy. Mom really picked up genealogy after all the kids had left home. Mom’s passion for genealogy allowed her travel with dad all over the world. She served as a mentor to so many people in the Orange Family history center, and loved to travel up and down California giving lectures and seminars. She spent hours in people’s homes helping bringing back the spirit of Elijah, turning the hearts of the children back to their fathers. She spent countless hours in the Salt Lake libraries and helped create small miracles; I particularly liked the following story… A couple of years ago mom was traveling back east looking for a lost ancestors grave. She and her cousin rolled into a small town, knowing absolutely no one and stopped for a quick bite at McDonalds. Mom, never shy had the ability to start a conversation with anybody. She did just this with an older gentleman while waiting in line and they coincidentally hit it off, as he knew the exact farm mom was searching for. What are the odds? He agreed to help lead them to the farm and subsequently look for the grave mom was searching for, having a general knowledge of the area. They found the farm, but were unsuccessful on the gravesite, when, her new friend had to use the restroom. It was there; off up a hillside some ways off of a rural road, that mom’s new friend doing his business looked down in the overgrown brush and unbelievably found he was standing over the elusive gravesite. Rolling into town, meeting a stranger, who then found the gravestone in overgrown brush as he was using the bathroom?? It sounds made up, but the facts are the facts and the facts show that mom has dozens of miraculous stories like these under her belt. Mom worked as a volunteer at the Orange County Family History Center and went on to become the Technical Services Director and later Staff Trainer. She served as President of the Southern California Association of Professional Genealogists and was a favorite lecturer for Genealogical Societies all over Southern California. She helped coordinate the first booth at the Orange County Fair for the APG and was deeply involved in the fair for 5 years. I’d like to share a short blogpost that my dad wrote in honor of my mom just a month ago, recognizing an Award of Merit from the California State Genealogical Alliance and expressing his love for traveling with mom; “In December of last year Caroline received an Award of Merit from the California State Genealogical Alliance. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments in this area. When the kids finished high school she took up the profession with a passion that only those who know her understand well. She became a well respected teacher and researcher. I can't tell you how many times I have spent some of our vacations in cemeteries, city halls and genealogy libraries. I have seen her drive into a strange town and leave two or three days later with several newly discovered gems of information and new friends and relatives forever after the experience. She can tell you off the top of her head all of the names of my and her relatives several generations back. I wouldn't trade these trips and memories for trips to more exotic destinations. I know my ancestors so much better because of these experiences. I have stood in the Cathedral in Canach, Luxembourg where the Robert family attended church before coming to America. (The final "t" was dropped when they came to America.) I have stood in the dirt of the Rober farm at Plymouth, Indiana where my grandfather who I knew was born. I have met Ernie Rightley who still lives on the farm property and heard many funny stories about all of the Rober children who were born there. I have had these same experiences with her on trips to help with her own ancestors.” Of all the professions a person could pursue, mom chose one where she could demonstrate her love, patience, service. How does one get to heaven you ask? Being a genealogist sure seems to get you a fast pass.

A month ago I spent some time with mom talking about some of details that would take place this day. True to her genealogy experiences mom had her ideas ready to go for future generations. One of the passions that mom and I shared was technology. What I have here is one of the coolest gadgets that mixes technology and genealogy and something mom had the foresight to obtain. This little device will sit on mom’s headstone and can be opened by any and all who ever visit. When this 2 dimensional QR barcode is scanned with Smartphone software, a website appears that will take you to pictures, pedigree charts, family information and a storyline of mom’s life. There is no more simple way to say it, but mom truly was a modern pioneer in the genealogy world.

Mom was a great teacher and to that I will be forever grateful. Mom worked and taught, and taught and taught some more. She valued every moment as a teaching moment. She commanded respect, but frankly deserved it. I’m grateful for the value of work and independence she gave to me and my siblings. With all due respect to the deceased, “Rest in peace” will not be a phrase that pertains to mom. Resting was never in her nature. Her work continues on the other side of the veil, to this end was she called home. Some of you have heard us talk of the very spiritual experience that took place the night mom passed away. Her blood pressure had dropped dramatically. Dad called the out of town family and told us news that mom would probably not make it a couple of more hours. A blessing was administered that she would be able to hold on until all the family could gather. I quickly hit the road and said prayer after prayer that mom would be able to hold out, but was at peace if she had to let go. Like the red sea in times of old, the traffic on the 101 and 60 freeways was parted, very few times have I driven those roads so open or with no traffic. So it was that night I made it from San Luis Obispo in record time; mom had held out for all her family to gather. Less than 45 minutes later, after all of the family was at her side, and after a departing blessing from my father, mom knew she could let go. As she peacefully drew her last breaths, her eyes opened. It was so obvious that they had opened not to necessarily focus on us, but rather something beyond our mortal world. It was that moment that we knew mom was crossing over. Whether she saw her mother, her grandmother, her mother in law, a friend, or other ancestors first does not matter. She is seeing them all now. She had completed her work, shared her gifts and talents, and certainly fought her fight. She departed so peacefully and created the most spiritual experience our family has ever witnessed. We created video tapes 4 months ago and I specifically asked mom what she wanted me to say to you all at her funeral. Her answer was the same as you have seen in her writings, her blog posts, and her written history. She does not waiver from her simple testimony and declares that God lives and Jesus suffered for our sins. She declared her faith in the beautiful plan of life and she was not afraid to go home to her creator; in that she never wavered.

Enjoy a new life mom without pain and without atrophy. Know you will be missed and you will always be loved. You leave behind a proud posterity and eternal friendships. Again to quote Elder Maxwell, talent and love are never wasted. You certainly had talent and your love permeated all those around you. That same work continues with you today is my declaration and dedication to your honor, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.