Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Happy Easter!

Dear Mom,

Happy Easter! Someone told me that this year Easter fell on the absolute latest Sunday that it can possibly fall. I think it landed this late as a reminder to our family this year. To have it directly follow your birthday was beautiful reminder of Eternal life and the hope offered because the Savior conquered death. Death is not the end! We will be together again after this life.
I know that is true.

I wore your beautiful sweater this year in honor of you and got more compliments than I have received in a long time. Apparently I should have raided your closet more!

Happy Easter!
Love you,

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Birthday Mommers!

There were some rockin' PAR-TYS!

Mark spent the morning visiting you and bringing you beautiful flowers.

Did you get the letters we sent via our special heavenly bound balloons?

I sent mine with a special hug and kiss.

I like to think you snatched mine up really fast because we were on top of the red rock with a perfect view of the sky in every direction, but right after launching mine - we couldn't find it anywhere in the sky!

Maybe you want a hug from me as much as I want one from you!

There were birthday feasts that included all of the things you loved and made so well!
Mac and cheese, flank steak, homemade lemonade, caesar Salad, smoked paprika veggies, baked potatoes, and of course chocolate chip cookies!

We lost our Palm tree this winter to the cold and we wanted to plant a new tree this Spring. We waited until yesterday to pick one out to be planted in your honor. We searched long and hard at the nursery and had picked out several before we found this one that we loved!

It is so beautiful and it becomes even more beautiful as it grows. We did not realize until after we had picked it out and paid that we had chosen a Carolina Cherry! Perfect! We drove home from the nursery listening to Sweet Caroline with everyone (including little Beckham) singing on the top of our lungs!

Happy 59th Birthday!
We love you.
We remember you.
We honor you.

ps. I wish we could put the car video on here that John took without us knowing but I don't know how to get them off that camera. But here is just a little taste of Becks singing Sweet Caroline from our little flip video!

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Dear Mom,

This week we will be celebrating what would have been your 59th birthday. Ive reflected on everything that has happened the last year and just how different a year ago was. I prepared myself for a difficult week, and it has been in many ways. But I have also found answers and clarity. In the bereavement class I attended they talked about
Rando's Six R's of grief which are:
  • Recognize the loss: First, people must experience their loss and understand that it has happened.
  • React: People react emotionally to their loss.
  • Recollect and Re-Experience: People may review memories of their lost relationship (events that occurred, places visited together, or day to day moments that were experienced together).
  • Relinquish: People begin to put their loss behind them, realizing and accepting that the world has truly changed and that there is no turning back.
  • Readjust: People begin the process of returning to daily life and the loss starts to feel less acute and sharp.
  • Reinvest: Ultimately, people re-enter the world, forming new relationships and commitments. They accept the changes that have occurred and move past them.
I feel there are parts of me that are trapped in the Recollect and Re-Experience stage. I had the unique opportunity and blessing to help you write your story and experience here on this blog. It was such a gift and outlet for me to purge the emotions and feelings while sharing them with people who were touched by your story. It brought meaning to the sorrow we were going through. Most of all though, writing brought me relief.

You were so determined not to suffer long and somehow you were able to propel your body to follow your mind. There were so many posts that would begin to take to shape in my mind but before I could get the words out that stage or time had already passed. Some of those posts I have forgotten but other parts of your experience stick with me and I feel they need to be told in order for me to really heal. I wrote a post on my own blog about my experience with our daily outings to Disneyland during that time. It wasn't an eloquent or profound post but it brought such a sense of relief when I had actually put those memories into words. I had been holding onto those moments so tightly, afraid that the memories and feelings might get lost or forgotten. When I hit publish on that post I felt freed to just enjoy those memories.

Its hard to describe how the process of writing organizes my thoughts but an excerpt from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire keeps coming to mind - and I know you will appreciate the comparison Mom :)
"I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind....At these times I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from ones mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at ones leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form."
Writing is my pensieve :) I am going to continue writing the parts of your story that were left unwritten for me. It might take time but as the posts come back to the surface I will let them be told.

Do you remember what I gave you for Christmas? I gave you Remembrance - that our boys would know you personally and that your legacy would not be forgotten. Neither will the rest of your story.

There is no need to wish you Happy Birthday wishes for a happy coming year...
I know you are happy. We are going to celebrate you like crazy come Saturday!

Love you,

Monday, April 11, 2011

Cantaloupe & Ice cream

Dear Mom,
FHE treat was in your honor tonight.

I enjoyed it almost as much as I did reminiscing of our camping trips in Glen Ivy. I thought of divinity, the tent trainer, and the Glen Ivy Day Spa. My favorite memory of the night was thinking of you and I taking a mud bath! Those were good times!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dear Mom,

All of the spring projects and things I'm keeping myself busy with....its still not enough to push aside just how much I miss you right now. Spring has been brutal as I watch life all around me renew itself. I know that's what you look like right now. You have been reborn with a new celestial body and your life is blooming in ways I cant even imagine.

But even knowing that doesn't take the ache away I feel inside.

Love you. Miss you.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

You're Invited....

To join the Sweet Caroline team for the ALS Association's
Walk to Defeat ALS!

When: October 23, 2011
Location: Santa Monica City Hall
Walk Check-in: 9:00 AM
Walk Starts: 11:00 AM
Distance: 2 miles

Our teams goal is to raise $1750.00! You can see our teams site here and track our progress.

There are three ways you can join and help our team.
  • Join our team and help us fund raise to meet our goal!
  • Join our team and come walk with us in memory of my Mom (I think you still have to sign up through the join now button on our page just put your goal as $0 and it will still allow you to join!
  • Donate to our team.
I would love to have a huge group of people walking in honor of my Mom. I even want to design and have special t-shirts made for our team that we can all wear in her memory.

Please pass the word along and help us meet our goal!


Updated: It has just come to my attention that the walk is scheduled for a Sunday. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints keeping the Sabbath day holy is extremely important to us. We do not want to put any of our Latter Day Saint friends in a position that might make them feel uncomfortable. For that reason we have decided that we will host a walk in Brea on Saturday, October 22nd. Route details will be coming soon but we are hoping to have the walk start or end at her graveside and plan on having a lunch afterward. This way we give everyone a choice as to whether they want to walk on Saturday or Sunday in Sweet Caroline's memory - or both! We believe that the ALS foundation in a worthy cause and will continue to try to reach our fundraising goal (already 28% of the way there - WAHOO!). Thank you for your support and understanding!