She was my “visiting teacher, ” but that can’t begin to describe my relationship with Caroline. Over the years we raised our children together, shared 4th of July barbecues and quilting frames, and laughed and cried together. We exchanged our favorite recipes and concerns about our teenage children. Caroline taught me many things through word and example, but none of these can compare with the lessons I learned from her during the last six months of her life.
After Caroline’s three children graduated from high school, she took her passion of family history to the next level. She became an accredited genealogist and served faithfully as the Staff Trainer in the Orange Family History Center. Other titles she earned were Technical Services Coordinator and President of the Southern California Association of Professional Genealogists. She traveled extensively to research and to speak at genealogical conferences.
Her focus was always on people, not only the living, but also those who had passed on. Whenever she spoke about family history, there was no doubt of her love and commitment to the research and temple work that followed. Because of her light, many were drawn to this eternal work and many ordinances were completed for ancestors beyond the veil.
Caroline first began having problems with the strength in her left hand. Although it was noticeable, she did not think much of it until her speech slurred a month later. After weeks of routine and then very specific testing, Caroline and her family found themselves seated before her neurologist, who explained that all the tests had come back negative. Puzzled, they asked what else she could have. The doctor said there was nothing else it could be except ALS. Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis is more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. It is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. In layman's terms ALS disconnects the muscles from the nerves. There is no cure or treatment for ALS; it is a terminal disease.
At their first appointment at the ALS clinic, the head nurse remarked she had never witnessed such acceptance of this feared diagnosis. Shock, anger, and denial were the most common reactions in such situations. Instead, Caroline remained stoic and calm, as if she had a deeper understanding of the situation. Later Caroline shared with me that she had received a witness in the temple that the test results would be positive for ALS. An extra measure of faith and strength enveloped her as she envisioned the days ahead.
As family and friends became aware of her diagnosis, they were distraught and disbelieving. Through it all, Caroline remained stalwart and faithful. The Spirit whispered to her that all would be well. Those who visited her to provide comfort came away comforted themselves.
It was clear that Caroline (and indeed the entire family) was endowed with an extra measure of the comfort of the Holy Ghost.Caroline had collected enough daily oil in her lamp to light the shadowy steps she now must travel on the rocky road ahead. Because of her unwavering faith and a testimony of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, her spirit grew stronger as her body weakened.
The knowledge of her eternal temple covenants accompanied by the promise of a glorious resurrection bestowed a remarkable gift of peace upon her. She had lived by faith her entire life. Caroline was married to her devoted husband Larry 14 years before he decided to join the church. All this time she remained faithfully active, attending her church meetings and setting a good example. She was sealed to her husband Larry and her three children in the Los Angeles Temple. Larry also proved faithful and served in many callings, including Stake Executive Secretary and as a Bishop.
One of Caroline’s greatest gifts was the ability to see this life as a stepping stone into eternity. With the knowledge of her limited time in mortality, Caroline’s eyes began to turn from things of this world to those of the next. She thought about her many ancestors for whom she had researched and provided ordinances for in the temple. It would not be long before a sweet reunion with each of them would be hers!
Caroline tackled ALS just as she had all challenges before this. She dove straight in and faced it head on, with her ever-present positive attitude. She and Larry laughed as he learned to help her blow dry her hair and make her favorite suppers.
An example of her courage was a necklace she wore every day that reminded her “I can do hard things.”
Whenever I visited her, I left feeling inspired that I also could do hard things with my Heavenly Father’s help. Not only could I do them, I could do them joyfully – finding joy in the journey!
This became a time of constant and sweet service in every area. Larry was serving as the bishop in the Placentia California 2nd Ward. A ward fast was held in September. The Relief Society arranged for childcare, meals, massages, furniture moving, and helping Caroline prepare for church. Sisters helped sort through and identify pictures of her ancestors while her speech was still understandable. When Caroline could no longer drive, transportation was cheerfully provided. Even a sweet treat for the afternoons was delivered, to help keep the family’s spirits high.
Larry had recently served as a counselor in the Placentia 4th Young Single Adult Ward. Many young people sprang into action. Letters, flowers, and phone calls offering love and support cascaded into their home. Christmas decorations were hauled down from the attic by willing hearts and hands. The Primary appeared one Saturday in December singing Christmas carols and providing a tree for the Rober family and hugs in abundance.
A surprise homemade Christmas dinner was prepared and delivered by caroling stake members, anxious to make Caroline’s last Christmas Day a very special one.
Caroline’s only daughter, Lisa Henderson, drove down from her home in Hurricane, Utah to help her parents face the daunting future. In tow were Davis (4) & Beckham (2). Caleb (7) remained at home with Dad. The Relief Society in the Hurricane, Utah 13rd ward willingly answered the call for assistance. The sisters there took in meals for John and Caleb, arranged for Caleb’s after school care and even did Lisa’s visiting teaching assignments for her. A sweet gift of time and love was promised to Lisa; her home would be immaculately cleaned before she returned home from her mother’s funeral.
Lisa assisted her mother in creating a blog on the internet to chronicle their ALS journey from the diagnosis to the inevitable end. It was updated regularly and also brings. The blog provided a link to the LDS church web site entitled “Why I still have hope.”
Even at this most difficult time, Caroline was greatly concerned about others, and focused on the eternal relationships of her family and friends. Her grandchildren had nicknamed her “Grandma Silly.” She still made time to joke and smile with them. Caroline knew that this family she loved would last forever. They were bound by the sealing power of the temple. It was a knowledge that provided daily comfort to her soul and buoyed her up on the harder days.
One of the Rober’s favorite quotes exemplifies their perspective: “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning how to dance in the rain.”
During a stormy trip to Salt Lake City last fall, Larry and Caroline shared a few waltz steps in a rainy Temple Square.
This image will always be a reminder to me of their faith and hope in the Lord’s loving plan of salvation.
It was not an easy journey, however strong her testimony. Caroline had to learn to be patient with herself. Her gratitude and humility were increased, as she graciously accepted the sweet service of others. She developed an even stronger sense of her Heavenly Father’s love, as she witnessed firsthand the charity and love of family and friends.
I will be eternally grateful for my loyal visiting teacher, Caroline Rober. In her final weeks, I was able to visit with her often, so that she could rest knowing she was completing her visiting teaching assignments each month. It was always one of her top priorities. The wise words at the top of her blog page were “People are more important than things,” Feelings are more important than money,” “Relationships endure forever,” and “Leave a legacy of love.”
All those who know Larry and Caroline Rober will be forever changed because of their courage, strength, and example. They are inspiring each of us to do more, be better people, and live each day as if it were our last.
Individually and collectively we now ask ourselves, “What kind of legacy are we leaving for others?” and “Who can I serve today?” We are also reminded of how precious life is. May each of us complete our earthly assignments with such faith and strength. It is possible for us to do so, because of our Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation and His son’s perfect gift of the atonement and resurrection. There is joy in His plan for us!
May we all remember that we can do hard things – joyfully, as Caroline so masterfully demonstrated.
I love the picture of dancing on Temple Square.
ReplyDeleteThat entire piece was very touching. I, too, loved the dancing in the rain. I can't believe how positively affected I was (and still am) by simply knowing Caroline--as the babysitter of her children, of all things!! She indeed had a talent, even a gift, for endearing others to her. As a teenager I appreciated her honesty--never any pretense. I felt like I could talk to her about anything. Love you all,
ReplyDeleteKathy (O'Brien) Furin