3 Dec 1894

Everyone who knows me, knows I'm a committed family historian and since today is the anniversary of my all time favorite grandma's birthday, I thought it fitting that I tell you something about her and me. Born Lucretia Huston in Mattoon, Illinois on the date above and struck by lightening at the age of 3. She lost her only sister (Hattie) to a tragic death in 1903, Hattie was only 13. At the age of 14 (1908) her father died, she married at 15 (1910), 1st child born 1918 (Uncle Walter), 2nd child born 9 mos later in 1919 (Uncle Jim), divorced 1st husband after falling in love with her 1sr cousin, John M. Taber. 1921 was a pivotal year for Lula, she lost her domineering mother to utern cancer, birthed her 3rd child (Uncle Don) and became interested in Spirtilualism. In 1923 she moved to St. Louis and started her phenomenal career as a Spiritualist
Medium then in 1924 she had her 4th son my Uncle Harold. Her fame grew and she started giving Materialization Seances. Her fame was in Spiritualist circles. She was kind, polite and loving to all she met! Everyone loved Rev. Lula Taber! In 1926 she finally gave birth to the daughter she had longed for, my mother, Gloria Lou Taber. I'm sure this was a surprise because she used to tell me all the time that although she was glad for a girl, she was very disappointed that Gloria wasn't born on Dec 3rd! Dec 3rd was Lula's birthday and Lula was born on her mother's 3oth birthday, Dec 3rd 1864 (Eliza) and Eliza was born on her mothers birthday of Dec. 3rd 1829 (Caroline Melissa Coleman). Yep, mom broke the chain and in more ways than one!
By the time I was born in 1952, Lula had reached her heyday in Spiritualism during the 1940's. She divorced her cousin due to cruel and unusual punishment and moved with her daughter to San Bernardino, CA. I was her 8th grandchild and at this time she weighted between 300 - 400 lbs. This was in direct correlation after being hit by lightening as she started growing larger at age 3 and was a very Fat and heavy woman all her life. I can't begin to count all the diets and gimmicks she tried to loose weight. Just remember she did everything in her life while weighing 200 - 300 lbs. Grma Lula was a very Spiritual person and she would tell me stories of Jesus from the Bible and we would talk of religion all the time. She is the person who built a testimony in me that we had a Heavenly Father who sent His only begotten Son to earth to atone us from our sins.

Happy Earth Birthday Grma, I have loved you all my earthly life and I look forward to a wonderful reunion with you in Heaven in the next little while!
This is me and my Grandma Lula and me at Christmas in 1952

My new Theme song

Most folks look forward to going to bed and waking up to a brand new full of promise, at least I used to do that!

That isn't how it is anymore. I dread going to bed because when I wake up and try to move I sing a song to myself "I'm Loosing it". Yea, I do that instead of feeling sorry for myself. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm frustrated beyond comprehension, the people I feel sorry for are Lisa and Larry.

Let me tell you what works now. I can see, but that is going, I have cataracts, my right hand works good enough for me to type and wipe myself after using the bathroom, but that is about all, strength is going fast. I can still walk, slowly, not to steady. I can still lift my legs. Hallelujah!

The odd thing happening now is that I'm BORED!! Yep, I am an "A" type of personality with a bit of hyper-activeness in me. So, what can I do now? watch TV or movies and work at being a couch potato, boss others around, when they can understand me. I can still sort the laundry if someone else right sides the clothes first and I can ride in the car. I can still read scriptures and pray. I can get in and out of the car by myself, but I have a hard time doing up the seat belt. I can walk in the store but not push a cart, I can ride on the electric carts in the stores, but I sometimes run into things. And I almost forgot, I can still climb stairs!

Well, thats about all for now, I hope I didn't depress you, that is not my intent, I am just trying to keep every one on the same page. Thank all of you sweet people for your kind thoughts and cards, They really do brighten my otherwise boring day!

Happy Thanksgiving one and all

Yes, its Thankgiving and for the last 4 years most of our entire family has participated in a Thanksgiving Run/Walk to benefit the homeless in Palm Springs.

This year my children and their families were there as well as my sister and her kids and families. Last year was my best time of 50:12 minutes walking. This year I am being wheeled and you can see me, my sister, Pam and my nephew, Peter haming it up on the scene. That is my son Brian and husband in the background, it was a lot of fun, even though I didn't walk!
Thanksgiving was a real family gathering this year! We rented the house right next door to Pam and we put Brian & Kate with their 3 kids, Lisa & John with their 3 kids and Mark and Lisa with Kamden in that house. It also meant a second kitchen, a second refridgetor, a second double oven and sink! We had breakfast and lunch over there, while we had dinner in the main house. Kelly Rogers took charge of being our vacation planner and she did a rockin' job! Brian and Ashlynn were in charge of decorating the kids table, they had a tablecloth the kids could color on and the place holders had each childs photo on it! Kate was in charge of decorating the adult table and it was elegant! Each family had different assignments and it worked out fine.

We watched movies, played Bunco and swam, in all it was a really great time for me. Thanks to all who made those 4 days so fun and memorable.

To top it all off, my dearest friend in the world, Jenny Fernandez came with her husband, Benny to see me! I think I will now die a really happy, satisfyed lady!

Letters of Love: From Lisa

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of going to California to help my Mom put her cherished Christmas decorations up. From the first day of my Moms symptoms, when she and I were secretly talking about ALS when no one else would, she would look at me and say, "this is my last Christmas, I know it." In my heart I knew she was right and the hurt was so heavy it seemed to squeeze the breath right out of me. It was crushing, there are no other words to describe it.

If you have seen my Mom's home at Christmas you would understand why. Each year she transforms their home into a fantasy turned reality. Christmas is everywhere and I have always loved it. The boxes, smells, and music are permanently etched into my mind and heart. To see it as an adult is one thing but to grow up in the magic of it each year with the imagination of a child makes the experience surreal.

Knowing this might be the last Christmas with my Mom I wanted to be there when the boxes were opened. I wanted to know which pieces she loved the most and where they came from. I knew it was so personal for her too and I wanted her to be able to go her pace and let her enjoy it. If this truly was going to be her last Christmas I wanted to go through the entire process with her.

The first day was hard. Within the first 10 minutes of the week long decorating adventure we were embarking on she fell while trying to get on the chair to fluff the top of the tree. She fell 2 more times that day and it became painfully obvious that her legs no longer had the strength to push up. Another devastating milestone that came much to swiftly. Her fingers did not have the mobility to work the small delicate ornament hooks. She was relegated to sit by and watch as I decorated her beloved tree and put up the Victorian Christmas town that she and I have collected and enjoyed creating together each year.

I have seen my Mom decorate all these years but never appreciated the experience it is. Every bow had tissue paper stuffed into each of its folds to keep the ribbon perfect. Every box a perfect puzzle maximizing every inch of space. Each box labeled with a date, who it was given by, or where it was from. The labor and the love those boxes hold amazed me. She cares for everything so conscientiously. If a handle breaks on a box she repairs it making it better. The box from the Barbie Dream house I got one Christmas holds decorations, another box is from the He-Man Castle Greyskull given to my brothers. The boxes are as much a treasure as what they hold. Why does current society put such emphasis and pressure on things being new, perfect, and coordinating? We seem to have lost the sentimentality that comes with use and time.

Although I loved the decorations as a kid I never had plans to make my home the same wonderland mostly because I wanted to go home to my Moms wonderland. I wanted my kids to have the exact feeling from Christmas that I did. And yet here we are and my kids are 6, 4 and 1. Not nearly old enough to have those impressions etched deep enough to be permanent.

As I unpacked those boxes I knew that starting next year I will take Christmas decorating to a new level - to my Moms level. I want my children to have those same feelings of anticipation I feel when the air starts to turn crisp in the fall. The overwhelming feeling of comfort and warmth that comes each season and makes my heart long to go home.

When I returned to Utah I threw myself into life and tried to push aside all thoughts of decorating my own home. The decorating process was too raw and personal for me and I didn't want to think about what next year might be like. I knew I would need to do it because I didn't want Caleb and John spending most of their December in an undecorated home. Yet I was hoping to stay busy enough that perhaps it would be forced to be done at the last minute without the time to think and feel.

And then yesterday on an innocent errand to Roberts Crafts I ventured to the Christmas aisle. They had the cutest display of red and white rustic Christmas decor. I first read the sign, "Peace on earth" and my throat tightened knowing that is my Moms favorite Christmas song. Then I saw another sign that said "Believe in the spirit of Christmas." That sign touched me. My Mom understands the spirit of Christmas better than anyone I know.

I sat in the aisle deliberating. I wanted so badly to buy them and yet they were not on clearance - Ive never bought decorations before a Holiday, always on after clearance sales! It was more than that though, I wasn't ready to decorate again, I didn't want to face my own home and the pressure to create something as beautiful and as meaningful for my boys. I deliberated for about 10 minutes and then decisively placed the signs and some coordinating snowflakes in my cart.

When coming home I started putting them up without even taking Halloween down. I looked around and realized I couldn't do it like that. I finally had learned its not just about getting the decorations up - its about the process. I halted all decorating and carefully and deliberately put away all my Halloween and Fall decorations. Then I cleaned the kitchen spotless and I dusted the house. Next came the Christmas music, Alabama, the Carpenters, the Osmond's, all my Moms classics. Only then did I bring all the boxes in and open them.

It was a sweet afternoon.

First came our nativity, a gift my Mom gave us the first Christmas we were married and had our own little home.

Then the snowmen lace she brought me back from Brussels...next the little rustic snowman and Santa she gave me...then her leftover garlands that had been handed down to me. Everywhere I looked I saw things my Mom has passed onto me, things she gave to me because she thought I needed them, and many things she had given me just because she knew I wanted them. There are so many gifts that she has given me over the years...the potpourri holder she made me...the Santa's cookie plate that I left cookies on when I was a little girl...the Christmas books with her loving notes in the cover...the Alpine trees we bought with her on black Friday when I was pregnant with Caleb. Everywhere I look my Moms presence permeates our home.

I had a hundred things to do yesterday and all I did was decorate. After helping her in her home I saw mine so differently. Ive always hated that we don't have somewhere to hang stockings in our home and amazingly I noticed yesterday that my pot rack on the wall had 5 hooks! I was always decorating around what existed but yesterday I felt freed to turn my home into a blank slate.

I used thumbtacks, nails, scissors, wire, pliers, ribbon, hammers, and every ounce of creativity I had. Creating pushed back my fears of next Christmas and when I would start feeling overwhelmed I would look over and read my new sign:

Believe in the Spirit of Christmas.

I believe.

I believe that next year although my Mom wont be here, her spirit will stay with me and carry me through. Next year many of her decorations will probably become mine but her essence will stay with them. I only hope that I can use them to ignite the same magical feeling in our home that she created all those years for me.

Besides the gift of a Savior the best gift I have ever been given at Christmas was from my Mom...

She gave me the spirit of Christmas in my heart.

C C C machines

This week we had a delivery. A very nice respiratory therapist named Manny came by the house and dropped off 3 different machines I now need to use. A C-pap machine for oxygenating me, a Cough Assist machine and a mouth Cleaning machine for clearing out things that get caught in my mouth or throat.

As I learn to use machines to help me live, I often think that life isn't much fun anymore. I have realized that the only true pleasure I get is when I am doing something for someone else. I know I must now be served, but it is so totally unnatural for me! And I'm getting noticibly weaker. Can you tell I'm going through a rough period right now? Prayers wanted and I hope accepted.

Chapman University

Tonight my niece took me to her disabilities class. I met some really nice people. We talked about my ALS and how it is affecting my life, communication and family relationships. I never went to collage myself, and I am amazed with their knowledge. Chapman is a beautiful private College in the heart of Orange County. I loved the campus and the opportunity to share a little of my story with the class and a super Professor.

They have a piece of the Berlin wall and some incredibly beautiful old buildings. Thank you Kelly!

Pam and Larry

I can't say enough about my sister Pam and my husband Larry. When I called for Pam, she came! She stayed 3 days giving up her own agenda to take care of me and teach Larry the art of tube feeding. Yes, it's an art. Now its "staying Power time". The days where we take it slow one day at a time. I am blessed to have an eternal companion who loves me so unconditionally. He is also my Bishop and he still consults on a part time basis. I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed!!!!!